LESSONS NOT LEARNED

MA WAS ABOUT TO DRAG ME HOME BUT SHE TOLD ME TO STAND STILL UP AGAINST THE WALL, NOW JIMMY'S ON THE GROUND BLEEDING MIND YOU. MAMA CAUGHT HIS ASS GOOD , SO I AM STANDING ON THE WALL AND MA GOES IN TO THE LIQUOR STORE AND CUSSES OUT EVERYONE BECAUSE THEY KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON AND DIDN'T TELL HER THEN AFTER ALL THAT SHE GETS A FIFTH OF SMIRNOFF VODKA AND A 1/2 A PINT WALKS OUT THE STORE GIVES JIMMY THE 1/2 A PINT IN A BROWN BAG THEN KICKS THE SHYT OUT OF HIM AND SAYS DON'T LET THIS SHYT HAPPEN AGAIN, SNATCHES ME BY THE ARM AND OFF WE GO UP THE STREET. SHE'S JUST A CURSING AND I AM STILL BLEEDING FROM THE SMACK TO THE FACE BY THE TIME I GET HOME SHE JUST SAYS GO ON TO YOUR ROOM, WHICH IN ACTUALITY WAS BOTH OF OUR ROOMS BECAUSE WE LIVED IN A ONE BEDROOM APARTMENT. SO SHE'S IN THE LIVING ROOM DRINKING AND ON THE PHONE TALKING ABOUT WHAT I DID JUST A CUSSING SO AFTER ABOUT AN HOUR I THOUGHT I BETTER GO SAY SOMETHING OR AFTER SHE FINISHED THAT BOTTLE SHE'D START IN ON ME. SO WHEN I WENT INTO THE LIVING ROOM SHE WAS CRYING I ASKED HER WHAT WAS WRONG AND SHE TELLS ME HOW DISAPPOINTED SHE IS AND THAT SHE THOUGHT I'D NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT, MIND YOU I AM USING THE CLAMOUR VERSION REMEMBER SHE'S JUST ABOUT POLISHED OFF THAT FIFTH AND MY ASS WAS UP NEXT.I DIDN'T THINK I DID ANYTHING WRONG AND AS SHE PROCEEDS TO TELL ME HOW EDUCATION IS MY KEY TO MAKING IT IN THIS WORLD AND HOW A BLACK MAN HAD VERY FEW OPTIONS WITHOUT AN EDUCATION AND HOW MOST OF THOSE GUYS DOWN AROUND THAT LIQUOR STORE HAD ALREADY GIVEN UP . THE ONLY THING MY DUMB ASS WAS THINKING ABOUT WAS I GOT ALL THE DAM MONEY THAT NIGHT I NEVER GAVE JIMMY ANY AND HE GOT FUCKED UP FOR SLACKING. DAM!!!!! IF I HAD REALLY BEEN LISTENING HOW MY LIFE WOULD BE DIFFERENT. SO MA SAYS IT'S OK JUST DON'T LET ME CATCH YOU DOING IT AGAIN. I GUESS SHE DIDN'T WANT ME TO TURN OUT LIKE MY SISTER JANE[ i know you are wondering who is Jane just hold on that"s coming] MIND YOU WHAT SHE SAID DON'T LET ME CATCH YOU AND SHE NEVER DID AGAIN. THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY MOTHER THAT ABOUT 15 YEARS OF COUNSELING AND A REWIND ON ALL THE PAIN SHE SUFFERED WOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN CARE OF.SHE DID THE BEST SHE COULD WITH WHAT SHE HAD, A TESTAMENT TO BLACK WOMEN EVERYWHERE. SHE JUST HAD DEMONS IN HER CLOSET THAT NO ONE SAVE JESUS COULD HELP HER WITH UNFORNATELY I DIDN'T FIND OUT UNTIL MY EARLY 20'S AND BY THEN I WAS OUT OF CONTROL AND OFF THE CHAIN.THOSE THAT LOVE OF MOST TRY TO LEAD US RIGHT AND USE THERE MISTAKES AS A GUIDE TO KEEP US ON THE RIGHT PATH , LESSONS LEARNED DO NOT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE PAINFUL IF WE LISTENTO THOSE THAT LOVE US MOST I WISH I HAD LOVE YOU MA