Wednesday, December 28, 2011

GREAT LOVES PT 2

When we care even at an early age we try to protect, because it is in our nature to do so,as men.While being state property I met Gina, now she was the type of woman that would make a man go straight once he left the institution.She excepted my phone calls and talked to me about worldly things. When she found out I had some form of education that made our conversations all the more better. She trusted me and I felt such a kinship to her that there should have been more. Her only condition was that when and if i ever got out of jail that I WOULD DO THE RIGHT THING and i conceded that to her. Gina was and is still beautiful inside and especially out. So when the day came that they did release me, she was there. She met me on my first time out hugged me and we walked and talked, she gave me inspiration to go forward clothes and a few dollars any man that has ever been locked up knows that when you get out you need a support systems and she was willing to be that for me. To this day I thank her for being true to her word. In getting out you have to be on parole for sometime before you get out totally, i was placed in a halfway house and told to get a job. For a criminal that would be hard, for me a little difficult because i had some knowledge of what it takes to be in society. Finally after 2 weeks i found someone willing to take a chance on hiring me. After i explained my story, she even confessed to me that she had a brother who was locked up and she was giving me a chance because she hoped that when his time came someone would do the same.So on the spot she gave me uniforms and everything, I WAS HIRED!!!! But the system doesn't always work that great that same day that i got back to the halfway house where i was staying the administration informed me that there was a mistake in my paperwork that i was suppose to me the parole board in the institution and that they had to send me back IMMEDIATELY!!!!! I wasn't even allowed to pack all of my belongings because they considered my an exscape risk.So even after i explained they said there was nothing they could do for me. Paperwork will keep you caught in a system for years. They allowed me to make 2 phone calls one was to Gina but she wasn't home and i just threw my hands up there was nothing i could have done. Now a side note I  got a longer pass and traveled 3 buses to Gina's in the snow because I wanted to see her, she fed me we talked I think we even danced Gina fit in the curl of my arm like she was meant to be there DAMM i still remember that smile she was awesome and smelled like the air after a morning rain when the world seemed renewed from all the kaos. Just when we were ready to make love I  realized i didn't have any condoms and as much as i wanted to i knew what the consequences of those actions could have brought about. Come now fresh out of the penitentiary I  was shooting nothing but hits and I  knew if i got up in between those legs nothing was gonna pull me out until I broke something off in her back.That night I knew it and i think she did and if she didn't then shame on her ass because if i was anything less then the friend that i was she'd be walking around with my baby now. But I didn't and so it is and Gina i think never forgave me for going back to jail even though it wasn't my fault.SHE WAS KIND OF SORT OF GAMBLING THAT MAYBE I COULD BE THAT ONE.

Friday, December 16, 2011

GREAT LOVES pt1

Unfortunately we do not get the opportunity to have or be in love that often in life, i was blessed more then once, regrettably each one of mine came with a price in high school it was Agnes she was beautiful runner up to prom queen and my nigger 101%.She just never knew why i treated her better then anyone else, she was the girl that you never wanted to allow your friendship to get any further because if you did you already knew that it would be endless, she was smart, beautiful and took care of me in a way that some would say was like a relationship but was more like a connection to me. Guys always asked what was going on some assumed and others just talked.She was who she was a black queen in the making and i loved her for how easy she help make high school for me and how easy it was for me to be me. She was exceptional in every sense of the word, you see in high school i was the out sider because of the life i led outside of school between work and other activites school was a place for me to rest. Agnes NEVER JUDGED and i firmly believe that that is a trait most women do not have any more as is taking your friend, lover or significant other at face value,to judge is to say that you know that they can do better, look better and be better. Why not just except me and allow your life to be an example because if I am intelligent enough to be your friend, lover or companion I wil see your light and it will nourish me and help me grow

THEY KNEW BUT THEY COULDN'T PROVE A DAM THING

So as they wheeled me in and hooked me up to all types of monitors to make sure I wasn't dieing.I thought about my life  and should I have given that mother fucker my shyt and this little voice touched me and said HELL NO!!!!! So that's what happened they wheeled me in I told them my story and of course the police showed up.Regardless of what you think it was like you see on t.v. and they didn't believe a word I said which was funny. Because you learn to read emotion and even for a seasoned detective or investigator there are tells.But I go back that's another chapter so I want thru x-rays and everything they found the bullet lodged in my chest cavity not near any vital organs I guess weighing 330 had some advantages. The doctor said the best scenario was for the bullet just to lay there and i wouldn't feel any dis comfort or it would gently pass out with no problem. So i sighed all the appropriate paperwork and walked away