ALTHOUGH MY CHILDHOOD WAS FILLED WITH MY MOMS ALOCHOLISM AND MY SISTERS DRUG ABUSE. YOU NEVER LOOSE YOUR INNOCENCE UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOU. MY INNOCENCE WAS BURIED AT 12 WHEN I SAW MY SISTER SHOOT DOPE IN HER ARM.IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A TRIVIAL MATTER BECAUSE I HAD SEEN IT IN PASSING BEFORE, BUT WHEN IT IS A FAMILY MEMBER A LITTLE PIECE OF YOU DIES AND IN TURN YOU BECOME HARDER ON THE INSIDE BECAUSE THE WORLD BECOMES A LITTLE COLDER BECAUSE YOU ARE ALONE IN YOUR MISERY. THERE IS A SET METHOD TO SHOOTING DOPE AT LEAST IT WAS BACK THEN. THE BOTTLE TOPS WERE METAL AND THAT'S HOW YOU COOKED THE DOPE YOU USED MATCHES AND COTTON TO HELP FILTER IT. THE REASON I KNOW THIS SO WELL BECAUSE AS I AM WRITING THIS I AM VISUALIZING EVERYTHING I REMEMBER AS A CHILD AND IT ISN'T THAT DIFFICULT TO REMEMBER. WE ALL TEND TO BURY THINGS IN OUR MEMORIES AS THIS IS SUPPOSE TO HEAL ME IN SOME SENSE,I AM RESURRECTING ALLOT. IN THE PAST 20 YEARS I HAVE NOT SLEPT A TOTAL NIGHT AND THERE ARE TIMES I WONDER IF THAT IS THE PUNISHMENT I SUFFER FOR NOT FULFILLING MY OWN DESTINY OR GOD'S STRANGE SENSE OF HUMOR TO HELP ME TO REPENT
